Ok. So I'll be typing this critique as I watch it, so that I can give you specific examples of what I think is good or bad. Presented in bullet points!
* Don't use jump cuts to hide mistakes! This is a YouTube V-Logger trick, and it does not work in this sort of medium. It makes you look unprofessional and gives the impression that you don't know what you're doing. Re-do the scene. Or, if absolutely nessesary, find a reason to cut to something else for a moment to hide the cut.
* Sound mix still needs work. That opening song damn near blew my speakers out! Once you've finished an edit, watch it all the way through. Don't touch your volume. Can you hear everything properly? Did it ever get louder than everything else? You need to keep this stuff steady.
* Work on your timing with jokes that require you to react to an off screen voice. Also, it's better to record said voice overs in the same space as your video footage. It keeps it from sounding like it was recorded later.
* I find it mildly amusing that your attempt to make a joke about Robotnick wanting robots that fear him is actually the reason he makes them sentient. Making the joke pretty redundant.
* Your confusion over the sign is somewhat perplexing... It simply states that he is building a place to store toxic waste that will do more harm than good by not storing it properly, and creating harmful emissions, damaging the environment. Though, the "Unlicensed" joke is actually pretty good.
* What's with the Spawnmower bit? Did you do no research for this? You even MENTION that it might be Spawn (Which it is). But even then, you question the cape? THAT'S SPAWNS TRADEMARK! He has a cape that can streach to any length, can wrap around anything like a prehensile tail, and can harden to become a shield. You're kind of ruining your credibility by missing stuff like this...
* WOW. Could you look any LESS enthusiastic when your air guitaring? I mean... It was pretty silly when you were over reacting to Sonic's theme, but that's far and away better than looking embarrassed :\
* You're still stumbling over your lines. If you flub a line, re-record it. Plain and simple.
* Why is it especially weird that the comic tries to be accurate with the acoustic guitar rather than the electric one from the cartoon? It's not like it's been a blow for blow transition up till this point.
* Try to keep your recordings consistent wherever you can. It's very noticeable in the cutaway of Robotnick with the dust buster, that you recorded that Voice Over elsewhere, or at a different time.
Ok. Over all, this is a big improvement. I still don't really find it all that funny, but your observations have definitely become more clever in places! You still need to work on your acting and delivery, and you need to rethink the way you address some of your observations (see the "Why is Wood bolded?" bit). They can feel clumsy and laggy at times.
The lighting is acceptable, and the framing is fine, so that's a step up. Take all of this into account, and hopefully we'll see you improving even more with the next one!
Ok. So I'll be typing this critique as I watch it, so that I can give you specific examples of what I think is good or bad. Presented in bullet points!
ReplyDelete* Don't use jump cuts to hide mistakes! This is a YouTube V-Logger trick, and it does not work in this sort of medium. It makes you look unprofessional and gives the impression that you don't know what you're doing. Re-do the scene. Or, if absolutely nessesary, find a reason to cut to something else for a moment to hide the cut.
* Sound mix still needs work. That opening song damn near blew my speakers out! Once you've finished an edit, watch it all the way through. Don't touch your volume. Can you hear everything properly? Did it ever get louder than everything else? You need to keep this stuff steady.
* Work on your timing with jokes that require you to react to an off screen voice. Also, it's better to record said voice overs in the same space as your video footage. It keeps it from sounding like it was recorded later.
* I find it mildly amusing that your attempt to make a joke about Robotnick wanting robots that fear him is actually the reason he makes them sentient. Making the joke pretty redundant.
* Your confusion over the sign is somewhat perplexing... It simply states that he is building a place to store toxic waste that will do more harm than good by not storing it properly, and creating harmful emissions, damaging the environment. Though, the "Unlicensed" joke is actually pretty good.
* What's with the Spawnmower bit? Did you do no research for this? You even MENTION that it might be Spawn (Which it is). But even then, you question the cape? THAT'S SPAWNS TRADEMARK! He has a cape that can streach to any length, can wrap around anything like a prehensile tail, and can harden to become a shield. You're kind of ruining your credibility by missing stuff like this...
* WOW. Could you look any LESS enthusiastic when your air guitaring? I mean... It was pretty silly when you were over reacting to Sonic's theme, but that's far and away better than looking embarrassed :\
* You're still stumbling over your lines. If you flub a line, re-record it. Plain and simple.
* Why is it especially weird that the comic tries to be accurate with the acoustic guitar rather than the electric one from the cartoon? It's not like it's been a blow for blow transition up till this point.
* Try to keep your recordings consistent wherever you can. It's very noticeable in the cutaway of Robotnick with the dust buster, that you recorded that Voice Over elsewhere, or at a different time.
Ok. Over all, this is a big improvement. I still don't really find it all that funny, but your observations have definitely become more clever in places! You still need to work on your acting and delivery, and you need to rethink the way you address some of your observations (see the "Why is Wood bolded?" bit). They can feel clumsy and laggy at times.
The lighting is acceptable, and the framing is fine, so that's a step up. Take all of this into account, and hopefully we'll see you improving even more with the next one!